Another extended trip to the big city has left me re-charged with FnF time (friends ‘n family), a little more broke and a few pounds heavier (which was soooo worth all the yam fries and sushi I ate). While I wouldn’t have traded my trip home for anything (well… maybe a date with mr. depp) I found myself – again – feeling displaced in the city I have always called my own. Now, I am a guest in my own home, and I have to say it feels weird. This nouveau small town bumpkin now drags her safari printed luggage between couch surfs, with eyes peeled for payphones since this hick has no cell, and asks transit officials for directions on the new skytrain lines? Wow, I really have gone small town!!! ouch.
Amongst the hustle and bustle I would find my thoughts floating back to my small town life. How the first thing I do when I step off the plane is to breathe in air that is so fresh it goes down in delicious cool, clean gulps. My comfort finds itself in the familiar faces – the tall lady in a ball hat, who I pass every time I walk Bella – both our dogs bark and she always apologizes with a smile; Bob, who collects the recyclables around town and who invites me to vegan potlucks at the senior home; the smiley male and the never smiley female cashier at the Coop, and of course the waving drivers. These have become my new comforts, the characters that make a place a home.
The electric vibe of the city, the constant buzz, is something I am very familiar with and can excite me, but it can also drain me. If Vancity pulses, then Masset flatlines. And while I smirk at this comparison, it is within this silent space that there is a place I call peace. The peace I felt as a kid playing in the woods behind my house – fully present, content, peaceful.
In the city I feel like I define myself by all the things I do. This newer me no longer feels compelled to answer that question with…Well.. I am subbing at the local schools, finishing my masters, volunteering here, making this…. While I am no longer satisfied with that response, without a new answer, I feel lost… in Wonderland, haunted by the caterpillar’s trippy question “Whoooo R Youuuuu?” After some time squirming and re-shifting my perspective, I have a new answer that is much more simple. Who am I?
Happy… and peaceful.
xoxoxo
Oh yes! I wanted to share a few of the little faces that welcomed me back upon arrival. You’ll have to come visit to see more 😉
Veracious Adventure 
2 comments
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March 19, 2010 at 6:59 pm
rd
Just Being versus Becoming… the eternal play… the wisest do both beyond the duality inherent in the question.
March 20, 2010 at 2:36 pm
Marielle (Mo)
I hear ya! And it sounds like a wonderful feeling to be able to just BE. I also think that perhaps Masset isn’t so much a flatline, as it is that powerful beat of the heart that we tend to forget is inside us, keeping us alive. I do look forward to bringing my children up to your new home to experience the experience and grounding energy of Haidi Gwaii.
I sense your peace and calm, plus I love that you like the ‘who’ that you are. Thank you for offering these little snippets of your Self, your life and for being you…I appreciate your perspective and will continue to be inspired by the new ways of looking at life you present so gracefully and with passion.
Miss you tons, V……
M
xoxo