I attend yet another themed social event, my anti-costume friend Debbie would be housebound and mortified, and again, it’s at a fire hall. The first annual gumboot ball! Bring on the taffeta, the puffed sleeves, the floor length sequins! Bring on the bow ties, the three piece suits and the kilts (there is always one!). Now pair that outfit with your best pair of trusty gumboots and voila!

It’s becoming increasing apparent to me that people on this island have something against high heels. As a result, a deep calling is stirring within me… to fight this battle tooth and heel…. to raise the level of fashion in this land of rubber and gortex! I plan the next party… dress-code: heels mandatory!

I don my wedding dress (which is short and denim!), stealthily apply my make-up, pearl earrings, perfect my hair and slip on my slightly over-sized, big manly gumboots. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be gardening or dancing. It was a fun night none the less, and I think my legs got a workout dancing in 10 lb footwear!

Maybe there is a market for heeled wellies? Perhaps just a subtle wedge? Maybe not…

the ladies on the top

the ladies on the bottom

Living in a small, remote town means entertaining yourself. You can whine all you want about the lack of pubs, clubs, concerts, malls, movie theaters, cafes and restaurants – but it’s not going to get you anywhere. Or at least, it hasn’t gotten me anywhere so far. Instead I have opted to join the ranks of the crafty crews of folks that make their own fun, or perhaps their own scarves.

In my little office/crafty nook I pull out and stare at the old pieces of fabric I have been lugging around for years… dreaming up new ideas. I cut out pictures from magazines… interior design… fashion… crafts… and glue them into scrapbooks. I feel like a kid again, when my mom would send me to my room to get out of her hair and would find myself alone and left to my own devices.

And so, with all the time in world, I am learning to sew again. My last experience with a sewing machine was in high-school when I made flannel pajamas, but forgot the sleeves! My next project was even less successful – I used striped MESH fabric to make a dress!! I had seen something very sexy and avant garde in an Elle magazine, but sadly my end result looked more like a moo-moo for a football player than haute couture. Frustrated with my inability to make the creations in my head come alive, I quickly gave up.

Now I am looking at an old silk 60’s coat I have carried around for a decade… it is too big to wear, too complicated to alter, so I opt for what I hope to be an easy project:  a pillow case.  I un-stitch the lining, pull off the buttons and play away. In my cozy craft corner, I have more patience with myself as I learn to use my old Singer machine, I practice by pining things first, take tea breaks, and thoroughly enjoy the process. And in the end, hours longer than it would take most people, I have completed my first real project.

the crafty room - where magic happens!

the red silk coat - before

the red silk coat - after

The difference is…

big city verena… turns up the thermostat

small town verena…starts the wood pellet stove with a blow torch

big city verena… maneuvers through rush hour traffic

small town verena… dodges deer

big city verena… orders sushi

small town verena… makes sushi with local fish

big city verena… wears heels

small town verena… wears gumboots

big city verena… falls asleep to the sounds of traffic

small town verena… falls asleep to the rustling of wind

big city verena… pays her bills online

small town verena… writes cheques or runs tabs!

big city verena… makes dates for the pub

small town verena… makes dates for skype

big city verena… wants an ipad

small town verena… wants a pickup

big city verena… relies on transit

small town verena… relies on nothing

big city verena… buys rice-milk

small town verena… makes rice-milk

big city verena… dances in clubs

small town verena… dances in firehalls

and both verenas like the fact that they can thrive in both lives…

Accepting two-days of subbing work as the high-school art teacher came with the naive sense that this would be easy. Compared with other subjects – science, math and history – art should be a fun – right? Yet I am still a young fawn in the land of high-school subbing, working with a bag of tricks mostly empty, and am met with the stark contrast between the elementary kids I am used to – who energetically and enthusiastically jump into art work – and teens who seem barely motivated to lift a charcoal pencil.

I stumble through attendance mispronouncing a couple Haida names, not winning myself any points, quietly introduce myself and begin to outline the work for the day. Some kids have “forgotten” their sketchbooks; others, their pencils. I circulate the class, encouraging and prompting students to get on with their work, some begin listlessly as if their bodies have been drained of blood, others lay with heads on desk, ipods tuned in, tuning them out.

Blocks are about an hour and 20 minutes long and some painfully trickle by as I nudge, prod and at time, gently threaten them to get some work done… any work done!  I am sinking and not only do I feel like I am failing these kids, but surprisingly failing myself. I squirm with the sense that I have ingested a cocktail of ‘frustration and humiliation’ and am eager to have it pass through my body quickly. I feel helpless.

My preoccupation with keeping the language somewhat clean, other students from walking in, my students from walking out means that I barely notice the students that are working. There are a few in each class. Their heads are down and focused and they barely say a peep. I have two guesses, one that being a ‘keener’ isn’t cool, and two, these kids have likely been in the same class since kindergarten and the same kids who are disrupting this class have always done so, and at some point, it begins to get tuned out.

I make the point of connecting with these focused students, encouraging their work, supporting them to find the resources they need and commending their efforts. Over the two days I experience the “glued-teen” syndrome (boy and girl seemingly attached, making-out while walking into the classroom), the age old name switching for the sub ( I have done this one myself… oh the karma!), the “I have to go the bathroom” (for 45 minutes…), amongst other classic favourites.

One class is painting ceiling tiles for the school hallways. A tall boy with jeans around his knees, spiky lip piercings, and a saunter that says, “I’m da man!” announces loudly to the class that he is going to paint a “pair of eyes” and begins a crude outline of what looks very similar to breasts. The other kids watch me to see how I will react.

“I am not going to tell you what art is or isn’t, and there is nothing wrong with art that depicts the female body. The only art I won’t allow in this classroom is anything hateful” I state as I circulate around his table.

It’s all part of the substitute dance that the kids are all watching. How much can we get away with? What will she do about it? How will this end?

I hear a couple of girls mumble in agreement, that art is art, and I wonder what the boy’s next move will be. I  decide to myself that I will let the real art teacher determine the future of the final product, yet my plan is thwarted because while I am talking to some kids at the back of the class, the boob artist flees – with art in tow. Drat! I feel my sub sink deeper.

Ten minutes later a fellow teacher walks him back to my classroom, with a blank ceiling tile in hand. I find out later that he went straight for the middle of the main hallway and began installing his work, his intention to maximize shock value was obvious.  The dance of the sub continues, I re-direct some students to engaging projects and try to focus on these “mini” successes.

On the morning of the last day of subbing I am with four boys who are mainly preoccupied with their upcoming provincial exams and so I let them use this hour to study. One young man in jeans and a jean shirt, sits in the front row and diligently works on his Haida art in his sketchbook. He tells me that he works on his art from early in the morning till late at night, that he has worked with some of the local big talent on poles, carvings and other forms of art. He tells me of his recent trip to Lausanne, Switzerland where he joined Jim Hart and others to erect a pole at the Olympic headquarters. He loved the experience, and hopes that his art will continue to take him around the world.

Next to him sits a younger lad wearing a low fitting ballcap, Tap- Out hoody and Snoop Dog T-shirt. Black culture along with UFC (ultimate fighting championship) are extremely popular among the youth. He refuses to draw, preferring to watch and admire the young artist next to him. They talk in soft, low voices about their cell phones and ideas for their first tattoos – both want to have their Haida name and clan emblazened on their small frames. I smile inwardly at this statement of Haida pride.

Then, a text comes in and the hoodied youth softly mumbles to his friend that a young man in the village is dead. The facts are unclear, but broken text messages tell of a 23 year old man, whose parents found him ‘not breathing’ this morning. Later, unconfirmed rumours will fly through the hallways… suicide, accidental drug overdose, poisoned… but the fact remains the same. A life has been lost in this small close-knit community. Someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s friend. The artist continues to work on his sketch as he tells me about how fit the young man was, how they would often meet up during clam-digging season, how he feels bad for the brother.

My heart sinks and for the rest of the day I notice that subtle shift in reality when someone you just saw on the street, is no longer walking this planet. Suddenly, the teaching assignment I have been taking rather seriously becomes less important as I talk more with the kids about their classes next term, about the things they like to do, about their plans for the future.

Honestly, I don’t know what I have been doing for the last 34 years of my life, but I have never personally tuned into the CBC Radio. That is a pretty big, embarrassing confession that leaves my credibility as a “true Canadian” in the lurch. Until recently, any exposure was a second hand experience in someone else’s house or car. I can count on my fingers the number of episodes I have heard of the vinyl cafe, all of them due to my good friend, and then roommate, Laura’s Sunday ritual.

Now it seems too appropriate that it was the voice of Stuart McLean that kept me company along my journey North to Masset. And while I would like to say that I chose him, in reality – he was the only station with reception along the long winding highway towards my new home.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I used to think the CBC was only for old people who gardened and sipped tea, for stuffy white intellectuals and for folks who lived in remote areas. Hmm, maybe it is, and perhaps because I now fall into the latter category I hope to spread the good word, to invite other ‘cool‘ folks to join me – cause CBC is good shizzle.

Now, I am an addict. My morning routine consists of waking up to a radio alarm clock – set to CBC, followed by placing  kettle to stove and living room radio to CBC. Over the past few months our National radio program has become a close friend, placing itself as a firm second place companion next to Bella. (I won’t publicly factor Jay into this equation… cause… well…. this blog is about being ruthlessly honest…).

Furthermore, it should be noted that I am a shamelessly easy woman when it comes to what programs I will listen to. From the Q with Jian Gomeshi, to the Debaters (tackling the complex tensions between such topics as pie vs cake), from ground-breaking news to radio dramas such as Afghanada, from the medical world of White Coat, Black Art to the iconic voice of McLean and his Vinyl Cafe. I gluttonously take all of it. Anyway I can get it.

And I finally feel like I get it.… the big deal about CBC. Not only does it connect me to my new northern community, it is also my lifeline to my country at large as well as the world beyond. And they do it so seamlessly! The Northern edition  doesn’t come across as a “small town” version, but rather weaves local northern issues with big city headlines in an balanced fashion.  For the most part, coverage is liberal, at times progressive, and often unafraid to tackle the big issues.

I’m in love.

And CBC Thompson has a nice ring to it.

After successfully completing my first 2 months as a small town dweller, I am happy to explore the bustling metropolises of Vancouver and LA through my new rural lense. I love the pulse, the diversity, the food! Yet there are other elements that have become more apparent from my newly distanced view, such as the proverbial rat race of beautiful people striving for some kind of grandstanding accomplishment.  I notice the speed and immediacy of the people. I notice the distance between strangers. I notice my own mind racing with thoughts and to-dos.

Really, does everyone need their americano right now?

Oh you must be a doctor on your way to deliver a baby with that kind of ridiculous driving.

Did that woman just look at my shoes mid conversation?

Subscribing to some kind of “cool” or “pretty” is all fine and dandy,  humans have a long history of appreciating  and striving for beauty, but I feel we are losing sight of the myriad of other important traits.

If anyone asked my opinion, and they haven’t, I would suggest that the hipsters of Main St. (whose pursuit of “cool” has them on fixed-gear bikes they cannot ride) try coupling their 80’s acid washed jean jacket with a sense of humour. You look ridiculous, so embrace it and have fun. Serious and tight jeans – just don’t go together.

fixed-gear hipster

My recommendation to the women who aspire to live in the silicone (hills and) valleys of life – is that it is very possible to be a trophy wife (a nice shiny bust) AND a treasure wife (where the sparkly beauty lies within). Don’t sell yourself short – being smart doesn’t make you ugly – I promise.

New phones and gadgets are fun, but if that is how you measure your ‘progress’ in life, then think again. Ever wonder what people say about you when you leave the room? Did you check out that app? Have you ever imagined your own funeral? The eulogy?  – “Everyone in this room is with me when I say that Samantha had the most beautiful shoe collection….”

I am not suggesting you stop shaving your armpits or buying the latest clutch. I am simply saying that my recent trip to the city reminded me that there is so much more to life than simply being pretty, cool or hip. Sometimes I do my make-up before I go for a walk in the woods… because I want to, because I can, because maybe Johnny Depp is in town shooting a film.

I am reminded of a link my friend Jen sent me which so wonderfully sums up this recent reflection.  I get to choose how I am going to be in this so-called “rat race”, and whether or not I will participate at all.

Pretty?

That’s how it feels anyways – shooting myself into the city for 3 weeks and then – as if transported by magic beams – back into the remoteness of Masset. What a trip. I accomplished what I set out to do – family, friends, and food. Every day was filled important people who I love dearly, accompanied by some sort of fabulous food (that my muffin tops can attest to) and an overall feeling of gratitude. I know so many people who inspire me, who are creative and caring, who know me well and love me none the less. Conversations are easy, enjoyable and fun.

So why is it now, towards the end of my visit, that I feel very empty? I suddenly find myself speed walking across an intersection, balancing two lattes in my hands, avoiding eye-contact with other humans while I scan store windows to see if there is anything I should (could) buy.

I feel ready to go home. The place where, unlike Vancouver, you have two options for ice-cream, not 120.  Where the only coffee shop opens at 11am – most of the time. Where people drive, talk and walk slower – and offer a smile as they  pass. Don’t get me wrong, I love Vancouver -  however this is the first time I couldn’t feel its soul. Its definitely got a pulse, but the soul was a little harder to find.

Not to be misleading, my new town is neither perfect nor picturesque – quite the contrary – many of its homes are old PMQs (private military quarters) that are cookie cutter houses in either – light green, salmon, blue or gray. There are visible signs of alcoholism and unemployment. Many buildings and stores are now empty due to a struggling economy. But there is also something very genuine, something straight-up, almost a warmth – almost.

Masset Airport!

After a bumpy, socked in landing, I join the other nine passengers as we deplane and gather our bags from the small trolley. As my foot hits the tarmac I am reminded that I had taken a cab to the airport leaving the truck parked at the house. Unlike Vancouver, there is no line up of taxis waiting for my service; the scene in front of me is quite the opposite.  A muddy parking lot with a half a dozen trucks. “I am not in Vancouver anymore”.

Plane at Masset airport

Ok, I’ll call… oh yeah, I no longer have a cell phone since my carrier has no coverage here.  The man at the trolley asks me if I need a hand taking my bags to the car. I tell him I am hoping for a cab. He looks stunned for a moment and then replies that he is off work in 30 minutes and can take me home. I almost say, “aww shucks” at this kind gesture. Another man overhears him and offers me a ride. I recognize him from town, but don’t remember his name, yet quickly accept the offer none the less. I thank the luggage guy for the offer and jump into an over-sized truck.

There isn’t a moments hesitation about this decision. My mind does not go to: “this guy could be a creep” or  “maybe I should let someone know who I am with”.  It’s simple – this is what people do in a small town, and I love it. Brian is a feller (aka lumberjack) and lives most of the time in Langley with his family when he is not in Port Clements doing work. He’d rather be closer to home, but there isn’t much work of his kind left, he tells me, so he takes what he can get around the islands. He carries my biggest bag to my door and I wish him a happy new year.

Welcome home Verena Gibbs.

There was eating and feasting,

And cheersing and clinking

Family and friends were all chatting and drinking

But do you recall

The most famous goofball of all?


Verena, the ex-city dweller

Had a very long shopping list

And if you ever saw it

It was tightly in her fist.


All of her friends from island

Share the same small town fears

They never get to buy things

Unless its online through Sears


Then one windy winter day

Verena came to town

Ready to get all dressed up

And become a clown!


Still all her rellies love her

And they all shared such a blast

With visits just like this one

Small town Verena might just last


(note: I inherited the cheesy habit of rewriting classics into my own songs from my father – thanks Stu!)

Jay and I couldn’t have picked a more contrasting place to go for Christmas than LA. And it’s fantastic! We jumped at the chance to spend the holidays with my sister Jaki, her partner Paul and their adorable little girl Mia and so have gone from small town quiet to big city bright lights and we love it!

Mia

Jaki and Paul have rented a gorgeous house in the community of Los Feliz – Hollywood, and from our guest room we have a 180 degree view of Hollywood (visibility dependent on the day’s smog). Smog. Now that’s something I haven’t thought about lately, and now every morning I am stunned by the view of a city literally engulfed in a lake of pollution. And in a weird and unfortunate way – LA sort of suits it. Consumer-driven, celeb crazy, car-dependent, eccentric, loopy LA. This city couldn’t be more different from our home town of Masset – where drivers wave to each other – whether you know them or not – and where it isn’t uncommon to be greeted by the majority of folks who pass you in the street (it reminds me of the scene from Crocodile Dundee when he walks down a New York street “goodday-ing” everyone who walks past).

Not only am I loving my time with my sister, Paul and lil’ Mia, I am also loving the pulse of this city, the buzz of helicopters, the cheap designer shoe stores, the fantastic meals out and the anonymity. I spend time with my sister and amuse myself in the daily rituals of her world. Mia time, gym sessions and pedicures, walks in Griffith Park, star sightings at the Grove shopping centre, and fine dining.

We decide to bypass gifts this year, minus a couple books for Mia, which makes the holiday season seem simple and easy. Jay and Paul tackle their first turkey while I hit the side dishes and soon our Xmas feast is on the table, glasses full and holiday music on. This Christmas has truly been a world apart from the rest, and it’s wonderful!

Xmas feast

(My only concern: what we’ll do when Jaki and Paul come to Haida Gwaii??!!)

Paul and his turkey!

While there is still a lot of Ho Ho and merriment, Christmas season in this small town sure is quiet. I mean there are houses with lights and xmas trees in the front windows, but there are no malls filled with repetitive old time xmas classics, there is no onslaught of xmas commercials on our non existent TV, no extended shopping hours or seasonal eggnog lattes, no work xmas parties and the inevitable shop for that special dress, no traffic nor hustle nor bustle. Just quiet.

I think I really like it. It sort of reminds me of being away for Christmas somewhere tropical where you know it Christmas, but it doesn’t feel the same. Unlike many, many before, this year my xmas cards are ready early and I have already put in a few days of xmas baking. Yet it was only after I had neatly wrapped them all up in individual packages, ribbons and all, did it occur to me that I don’t know enough people to give them too. This make Jay happy and he doesn’t hesitate to open one up for himself.

My friend Roberta moved away with her boyfriend – looking for work somewhere further north. I met another woman – Kim, who is also the only person who cuts hair, but she is also going away for 10 months to take courses in colour application. Boo. It seems that as quickly as I am making friends, they are leaving. I guess that is the sign of a smaller town.  Jobs are few and far between and anyone seeking further education will likely have to move off island. The next challenge is getting them back.

The city has its perks. Better jobs, better restaurants and a more diverse social scene can be more than enough to entice someone to stay, leaving one less person for the workforce (and mating pool) for this small population. There is a mixed bag of folks who have grown up on the islands (now officially called Haida Gwaii – no more Queen Charlottes) who came back after their education. The ones that do come back seem to have a certain bond with the place, that no other town could ever replace. I don’t know if I will ever understand it personally, having grown up in a city, but it seems like a deeply-rooted affection and connection for the land and its people, a distinct reverence.

I have my own relationship with and love of Vancouver and city life, and Jay and I are looking forward to being “home” in a few days. This time the Christmas season will feel different. I will savour every latte, find amusement in the crowds, stock up on my favourite cosmetics and treats, knowing that the beauty and silence of the my other “home” awaits my return.

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